Girl on Fire: Sylvie“I have always pushed myself out of my comfort zone”

Sylvie Bourget is the proud founder of Barre Lab Vernon. A lake-view studio that will inspire you to show up, to push your own limits, to endure while your muscles shake and burn, asking you to stop. But you won’t, as you listen to the sculptural instructor encouraging you “you have got this.” And you do.

Sylvie’s life story could very well belong in a book. Her story is one of self-empowerment, courage and defiance to cultural behaviours associated with being a woman and a mother. As she welcomes me to her beautiful lake-front house I feel humble that she had agreed to this interview with me.

It is a perfect summer day, blue skies, glittering lake and a sweet summer breeze coming and going playfully. We start by exchanging small talk, the how are yous? All of the sudden Sylvie reveals …“I had my first kid at 19”…. I knew I had to buckle up. This was going to be a ride.

“I remember kissing that perfection, her soft and warm skin, just pure joy. I couldn’t believe that I have created that little human being.” Sylvie posses a generous nature, a sort of calmness that makes you feel at ease, as though everything is all right. Perhaps it is this quality that has served her to surf difficult times, of which she has had plenty.

Sylvie had four kids by age 25, for a total of five, four girls and one boy. “I was from a big family, so I was quite used to taking care of kids when I had my own, so even though it was a life changing experience, it wasn’t one that I wasn’t prepared for.”

As we deepen into our conversation I start to slowly discover her grit, her hard work ethic, and her crazy mama bear tenacity.

I asked what was it like to have four girls under one roof, knowing the typical struggle or tension that more often than not tends to accompany mother-daughter relationships. Sylvie is quick to reply she had none of that,

“I have always believed in treating anybody the way you would like to be treated, and that includes your children.”           

The appreciation for honesty and communication between her and her children were also key on building the strong relationship they have always had. “I have always told my kids that they can tell me anything and I will not get mad at them.” That was a hard promise to keep, she admits. There were a lot of things she did not want to listen to, nor was she ready, but that was the deal, she couldn’t default to anger, they had to talk things through and figure things out together.

Barre Lab is not Sylvie’s first entrepreneurial business. She has also run a daycare to support herself when the relationship with her first husband turned sour and he neglected all financial responsibilities. At that time they had 3 children, and she was pregnant with her fourth. However, this was not an excuse to put her head down and continue to endure a toxic marriage. She asked him to leave and he did, without a fight.

Say what now?!! You read that right. Pregnant and with three children she decided to create a new life, a better life for her family. I was pregnant back when I interviewed her, which helped me to really grasp the magnitude and fierceness of her decision. This woman doesn’t mess around.

As she explains to me the logistics of those years, and how her community of neighbours really helped her to undergo this period of her life, I am still trying to get over the fact she was 25 years old with 4 kids to support all on HER OWN. I can’t resist but to ask what was her driving force. “ I tell you what it was”, she replies, “four pairs of brown eyes. I would look at my kids and that was all I needed.”

“ Life can be great, but life can also be challenging, and it is how you go through those challenges that brings you to the next stage of your life”

After three years on her own Sylvie decided to get married to a hockey player she was dating. She had her fifth child with him. Things were running great until hockey stopped. “That was a big change for my husband because he wasn’t groomed for a life without hockey.

He became extremely angry and depressed. He started to be verbally abusive with my kids. I tried to warn him, I tried to communicate that he needed help, education, and not to be abusive. But he didn’t get any help, he didn’t stop his abusive behaviour and I choose my kids. I will always chose them. Every. Single. Time.” He is still the same 20 years later.

“I left with my five children”….

“By that time my kids were older and we were all helping each other out. We were a family and we needed to make it work.” It was a lot of work, Sylvie tells me, but it was worth it. “It was so much better than being in a bad relationship.”

Sylvie explains to me how she is a big advocate on leaving a bad relationship as soon as you realize there is not a turning point. She does not agree with staying for the ‘kids.’ “You are not doing them any favours by staying, it is not a good message to teach.”

“Lots of women have implied I had commitment issues. That I should have made my first marriage work and I say to those women, you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes how dare you judge me? Oh, you have been unhappily married for 30 years, well there is not a gold star for that.”

“I have always pushed myself out of my comfort zone and I always tell my girls you only have one life. This is not a dress rehearsal, you don’t get to do it all again and if you are unhappy that’s a long, long time to be with the same person “

Sylvie did find love. By this time her children were adults, more of a clan than anything really. In her mind she was always very certain that being with her and being part of her family was a privilege, not a burden.

“ Life isn’t easy, but you have to be driven, to push yourself. It’s like exercise: if you don’t work hard you don’t get the benefits.”